Much has changed since my last post. I'm coming to realize that as much as I want to be involved in and do all these different things, I must prioritize. I cannot do all at once. There's just no way. School has to be done. Work has to be done. Chores have to be done. My responsibilities with the audiovisual stuff for church has to be done. With just that, my mind can barely keep up. And still I daydream of learning four more languages, a wedding, opening an art gallery, doing carpentry, learning metalsmithing and glassworking, learning to drive standard, exercising with my future sister-in-law, volunteering with all these different organizations, the list goes on and on. There is SO much that I would love to do. I'm gonna drive myself crazy. I can see that happening.
This semester, I am taking two classes only. Just these two and I get my associates degree in science. I am feeling like I have progressed to a brick wall. Climbed a ladder to find a greased pole to climb. What now? What college do I transfer to? How am I gonna make it? I have no financial aid, no scholarships, and I am unwilling to take out a loan. Community college tuition and book costs have been nice. Just the hundreds. Everywhere else: thousands. My head spins. My fiance and family tell me not to worry. It's just money. We can figure it out. I have such amazing people pushing me forward. I worry the load may become too heavy for them to keep pushing. I am unable to relax about this. How does anyone suck it up and just push forward with it?
On the bright side, I'm getting better at getting rid of distractions. I've removed all the social media apps from my phone. I only have access to email on there now. And internet. Next step: get rid of this game that I have become addicted to. One that requires your full attention for about three two-hour periods every single day. Clash of Clans. Dear lord, I pay as much attention to that game as if I was living there as well. It's one of the only two "customize your own place" games that I've ever been able to enjoy. The other one: YoVille by Zynga. THAT game. Wow. I was SO addicted to it. It was like THAT became real life for me, while the real world became imaginary.
I can't keep wasting time. It passes faster than you expect. I gotta keep trying for scholarships. I have to start looking into colleges. I have to get some homework done. I've gotta exercise and eat better. I've gotta help out around the house and spend time with the people who matter most to me.
That's it for tonight. I'm nodding off here at the computer. I need sleep. G'nite everyone!
~Captain Polar Bear
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